The Story about Nothing
by weakestlink99
Summary: It's a story, and it's about nothing. Hilarity Ensues.


**The Story about Nothing**

by weakestlink99

P1: Hello, and I think of myself as Reiji Mitsurugi. Of course, I'm not him, but I think he is kind of cool.

P2: Right.

P3: Yeah, dude. We know.

P2: You asked us to do this.

Reiji (was P1): I know. Let's go on with the questions.

P2: Sure.

P3: First, who do you think you could guard in basketball?

Reiji: That dude. (points) Who do you think you could guard in basketball?

P3: This bro. (points a different direction)

Reiji: He's one of the rising stars on the basketball team, and two meters tall.

(cues up Pursuit – Lying Coldly)

P2: What's a meter?

Random Person 1: Did you see that "Up Smash"?

Reiji: You don't know?

Random Person 2: Oh zoo, poor zoo, (they're shutting it down.)

Reiji: Nevertheless, the odds of you guarding him successfully are...

This Bro: Happy Feet, (was a great movie.)

That Dude: (Reiji is about to pull of a) "Wombo Combo!"

(track plays)

Sensei: That ain't Falco.

Reiji: The same as my odds to get a date, which are the exact same odds as the first number called at Thrown Controllers being 69.

That Dude: Where you at? Where you at? Oh! WOMBO COMBO!

Reiji: That's why they call me "The Archer-Sage," Tomo.

Tomo (was P3): Who's Tomo, and why did I get that nickname?

Reiji: It's from Azumanga Daioh.

P2: What's that?

Reiji: It's an anime, Osaka.

Osaka (was P2): I know that.

Reiji: Our friendship is the same as Yomi, Tomo, and Osaka's, except the genders are flipped.

Tomo: Really, you don't say, Yomi.

(More Conversation)

Sensei: Someone is knocking at the door, (turns to door) who are you people?

Person: This is Hope Chapman of the Anime News Network.

Sensei: Yomi, this is a guest for you.

Yomi (was Reiji): Thanks. (to Hope) _Ohayou gozaimasu._

This Bro: Smell ya later, Yomi.

(All but Sensei, Yomi, and Hope leave)

Hope: Tough crowd.

Yomi: Yeah, this is the exact same reaction when I say the review topic for my next video.

Hope: Well, I heard what you were talking about, considering that the door is thin and you are sitting next to said door with a suitcase.

Sensei: It's too early to complain.

(more knocking)

Hope: Who is it this time?

(opens door)

Yomi: What up, Ha Ha?

Ha Ha: Are you ready for today's first day of YIG State, Yomi?

Yomi: Yes. Now, "Are! You! Ready!?"

Ha Ha: Yes, but, I've never seen her at our meetings.

Hope: It doesn't matter.

Ha Ha: So, what did I miss?

(even more knocking)

Yomi: Who is it now?

(opens door)

Yomi: Bennett! _Ohayou Gozaimasu!_

Ha Ha: Back to the topic at hand, please.

Hope: Right. So you see, Yomi said, "My odds to get a date (, which) are the exact same odds as the first number called at Thrown Controllers being 69." But as the suggested in the video, there are up to 600 cards that could be called. Therefore, in most circumstances the odds are way too low.

(music changes to Objection! - 2009)

Yomi: _Igi ari! _There are many circumstances where the deck may be stacked, or circumstances where I have no game whatsoever.

(door opens)

Yomi: _Ohayou gozaimasu,_Runaway Guys, Lucah, and Masae!

Masae: Hey, Yomi, thanks for inviting us to chat!

Emile: Yeah, we are very thankful.

Ha Ha: So, if your odds are that low, who are you crushing on?

Jon: You may as well say it, Yomi, it's going to get out eventually.

Yomi: You really want to know?

(Arin, Barry, Suzy, Drew Carey, Spelling Guy, and Ryan Stiles sneak in.)

Arin: Yes.

Barry: Definitely.

Ryan: I need someone new to make jokes about. I've made too many bald jokes at Colin Mochrie's expense.

Lucah: You don't have to answer.

Masae: But you probably should.

Emile: Yes, answer a question.

(Kimiiro Signal (TV-Size) starts)

Yomi: Fine. My crush is Utaha Kasumigaoka from...

Hope: Saekano: How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend. Is that your final answer, Mr. Ethical?

Spelling Guy: It should be.

Tim: Are you the guy from the National Spelling Bee with the words and the bell.

Spelling Guy: Yes.

Mr. Ethical (was Yomi): Yes, that is my final answer.

Ha Ha: Why?

Mr. Ethical: She is very blunt, hot, intelligent, cute, older...

Ha Ha: We get it. I guess her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

(Everyone high-fives while Doug Walker sneaks in)

Bennett: Hey guys, I have a game (removes hat)

Suzy: Well, what is it called?

Mr. Ethical: Is it called "Scenes from a Hat"?

(Hope presses the bell)

Hope: Sorry, but it's called "**Scenarios **from a Hat."

(Everyone high-fives again)

Doug: So, Mr. Ethical, why are the odds of you getting a date so low?

(Pursuit – Wanting to Find the Truth starts to play)

Mr. Ethical: There is a word in Japanese representing why the odds are as low as they are. It is _kabe _representing the English word wall. It tends to be difficult overcoming walls that are set in stone, where women do not find a man who is most destined or most haunted due to them, but ones who set requirements that most can not overcome, simply due to jealousy (arrow fires) or wanting to prove they did something of value (arrow fires) . Those who want someone 1.9m tall, and wouldn't settle for anything less, when merely 3 out of 100 men meet that requirement (arrow fires) , or when a girl wants a man twice her age, even if it looks awful (arrow fires). If it were inverted, and the girl was 1.9m tall, would that not look even slightly weird (arrow fires)? Even other requirements that are set are not attainable, like having a lot of money (arrow fires) , wouldn't an wise man call that a red flag, despite how attractive the girl looks (arrow fires) . So if I meet none of these, how could the odds be presented in any other way?  
(Clock strikes 7 am while Action Guy enters)

Drew Carey: That's it for the name change game, so it's time for us to go, but before that, let's sing.

All: No.

Action Guy: Drew Carey has already left the building, guys.


End file.
